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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29368713">sad little drabbles maybe someone will like</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ils33/pseuds/ils33'>ils33</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Classical Music RPF, Music RPF, life drabbles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drabbles, How Do I Tag, Inspired by Music, Life - Freeform, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of Violence, Music, Sad, first fic, maybe theyll help you too, small drabbles, thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:22:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,120</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29368713</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ils33/pseuds/ils33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>maybe this isnt the right place to post them but i wanted to share with someone. maybe i could help them.<br/>some sad drabbles about feelings. i hope maybe theyll help someone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. what it feels like falling in love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>heres the song mentioned in the story if youd like to listen along or just look at the comments. they're pretty therapeutic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jn0grlc7DRQ<br/>(sorry if anythings spelt wrong)<br/>((lowercase intended))</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>sometimes if you scroll down to the comment section of a song, perhaps a classical piece like “what it feels like falling in love,” you'll find an assortment of comments. some along the lines of, “ this song is an enigma of beauty, pain, sadness, despair, happiness, regret, and everything in between” or maybe if you scroll down just far enough you might find ones that do provoke a twinge or any emotion really. personally i think the song sounds like wearing a silky dress and lying down on the cold floor, or maybe running through a deserted courtyard in mid to late august, the fall air crisp as you take short, quick breaths trying to get enough air to continue running and jumping as the leaves swirl and fall around you. maybe there is a wind chill, maybe there isn't. maybe i should stop trying to dream of a perfect life and start living in the one i'm already in. i don't know how many i'll get. guess i'll make the most of it like everyone says. why should i. is this my despair arc. i guess at least i'm getting something. maybe if i squeeze it hard enough, like an orange, i'll get something out of it. life has never given me lemons. maybe because i wouldn't make lemonade. yellow is the last color i can see, i wish i could see more. i really hope sometimes that some of these maybe if i keep writing someone will benefit from these one day. maybe it's more for me. i'll give everyone a chance though. i wish i could help everyone. maybe i should help myself first.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. noticable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>listen to this with consideration, although it may be a tangle at first give it your time https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaioZbjw7A8<br/>please enjoy.<br/>i hope it helps.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>i, and by self proclaimed accident, stumbled across the song love nest (instrumental) i was ready to go to sleep for the night when this song almost approached me. one quick search on youtube later and its blasting through my headphones at 2:56 on a friday night. let me just say this was one rollercoaster. i kind of feel how this song does, brass and sharp but not too too sharp. i wish people actually liked me for who i was and not my whole fasade i put on to impress people. i hate being surrounded by people but i then feel like i don't have enough. i want more but then hate the aftermath. i want people to like me but i don't want to be seen. i want to like school, albeit the early mornings. i really want to like it. but the people. they make it so hard to care. i want to learn, one might say i yearn for knowledge, because after all that's the only way you'll succeed in life. but the people. they hurt me. i kind of want to hurt them back. instead of leaning normally i can't even think with the voices running around my mind. maybe if everyone was me i think. maybe if everyone just acted like me school would be tolerable. but why me. i deserve nothing. i don't deserve life. why should i compare myself to people who don't even know i exist. the feeling of walking into a class you've taken all year and someone going “oh since when were you in this class” hurts. i don't want to be noticed but sometimes that makes me think how many people would pretend to be sad if i died. a lot is the real answer. maybe i should test that out. i hate feeling invisible. but i hate people noticing me. so death could fix two things. i would be gone from this facist milky way and people would at least pretend to like me. i wish people would like me more. please</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you.<br/>update everyday.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. thoughts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: suicide and dark thoughts<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzphld6GKRM<br/>im always here if you need help<br/>thank you.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>sometimes your reflection lies to you. mine does. sometimes it tells me things and i listen. i should stop. i want to know what it would be like to be a “popular kid” . maybe someone would care about you. not saying no one does for me. i shouldn't even feel bad. i have so much more than some people. so much more. why am i complaining? i shouldn't feel bad for myself. i'm a horrible person. i should die. i can't believe i'm making this all about me. why do i always make it about me? i can't believe i thought i should be special. i can't believe i thought i deserved anything. how could i do that. i'm sick, i can't even look at myself. i don't want to see my reflection. i want to throw up. how could i do this? i'm sick. i should die. i don't deserve life.<br/>
my reflection scares me away. but it's the truth. the darker thoughts fill my head.<br/>
maybe i should.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. will it ever end</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry updating has been more every other day. im loosing motivation for a lot of things.<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ef-4Bv5Ng0w<br/>one of my favorite classical pieces</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>i sometimes wonder what i'd be like if i had another life. it's pretty obvious that money does in fact buy happiness and maybe sometimes we should stop ignoring that fact and admit to ourselves that if we had some money, we would enjoy life so much more. i think it's quite amazing how everyone values tiny pieces of paper; the only way you can live is if you collect enough. it's like a video game but so much real. too bad we can feel emotions. i die and i'm presented with options, restart, next level, and spectate, i think i'd choose spectate. maybe i could finally find the key to happiness by watching other people. at least they're happy. i don't consider myself the nicest person ever. i have like 3 friends who i would die for, but that's it. i don't think they would die for me, if i'm being honest. i like to think they will but, the rope is getting thinner. but anyways i can stop making this about me now. i think i just started writing these and i don't really know where the end is. i kind of just started writing but i guess i hope you enjoy it. kinda breaking the fourth wall here a bit. anyways i hope someone enjoys them even if it's only one person or even just me.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. the government is fucked</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>sorry i havent been posting much. i couldnt bring myself to do anything.<br/>a diffrent age- current joys<br/>i know its not classical but i wanted to cry listening to it.<br/>thank you.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>i've been talking to myself a lot lately because i know one else will listen but i think that's ok because sometimes i really just need to let it all out and i do think that's been helping a considerable amount. at least i think. i decided today to realize how fucked up our whole entire fucking world is. i could go on about this for a while and it depends how long i can rage write for but i'll show some examples of what i've thought of. first off, the entire government system is fucked. straight white men have been in control forever and still are, they lie to our faces to get power and don't do anything and these so many things are wrong with them i could scream. i really want to know if someone will finally take something i saw seriously without calling me too young, and then telling me to grow up when i get catcalled. i like how everyone is about separation of church and state but the minute they can they do. i'm sick of people saying just because my religion says something means you have to do it. i don't care what god you worship, or if you don't believe in any, just because you believe something doesn't mean everyone does. just because your religion might have the majority of people doesn't mean everyone has to be exactly like you. just because your religion says gay people should exist doesnt mean that has to be a law. not only that but that's not even true. my school says the pledge everyday. the teachers don't make me say it but they make sure i stand otherwise i'm sent to the office. i'm sick of all this crap. i hate how i hate everyone at my school but want to dress nice so they'll like me. i don't care about what they think of me but at the same time i yearn to be liked because it makes me feel good. who wouldn't want to be liked. i would kill to be someone's favorite. just for a second, maybe my existence will mean something. and i hate myself for everything. i really want to think i'll be the person to make a change, even if that's just within my school. but then i'm laughing at myself. me? do something? that's funny. i want to burn the government and see someone else in office other than straight white men. i want to burn the patriarchy but dont even have confidence to go to school. at the same time i want to reinvent everything i would be so much happier to live in the woods and forget about the fucking corrupt government and jut cry, maybe actually sleep for once. and just fucking live for once. that's all i want. but i can't because as i write things and picture my life i know i have to wake up at 5 and go to school on a monday morning tomorrow. but i do that every week. i can't even tell them apart anymore. i would just die if i didn't have a sliver of hope i might be able to change something, i just want to leave. the minute i can i would move to a small house and just enjoy life how it should be, and i know this sounds cringy, for lack of better word, but i don't think enough people enjoy the earth's beauty. i would sit outside for hours if i could just enjoy the wildlife without a second thought. but the thoughts just dont stop, what if i just left. entirely. i could leave whenever i wanted. just die. then i'd be gone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. sometimes everyone needs a break</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>i remember when i first started writing in my notes app with a simple title like “lol” and then locked it. i went to write in it the other day and forgot the password. i cried. it had everything i had ever thought about for the last three years of my life and now it was just gone. i was on a call with my only friend at the time. she said now i can start over, like reading a new book and finished with a sentence around the lines of “did you even go back and read them? it doesn't matter now” i said no at the time. i didn't need to be ridiculed further but i do. i remember writing happy birthday to myself because no one remembered but me. i looked back on that every year. i would like to say starting anew is good, and in most cases it is but sometimes too but new is too much. i have anxiety about every little thing and with no remedies to stop it i end up letting it consume me. i wasn't mad about losing the stupid notes i wrote about all the feelings i couldnt say to someone because no one ever taught me how to communicate. i was mad because i forgot everything i wrote. and now i'll never remember. i was mad because i wrote to myself, hoping for  a better future and now i don't know if that future is better because i don't remember how the past was. it upsets me and i can admit that but what i can't admit is the annoyance i get when i want to say something but can't. i desperately want someone to ask me if i'm ok but when they finally do i lie and say i'm fine and then i anger myself because why did i have to be so damn good at lying. i want someone to help me but i want them to help me without having to tell them my problems. i want help without the speaking part because speaking freaks me out. maybe that's why i like writing. i write a lot of stories, not just sad ones and a lot of people tell me where i get the characters' names. i don't usually say because it's usually followed by some rude remark. the truth is i get them from graveyards. i often go to put flowers on some graves and just walking around you find many cool names. i like to try and make a life for them in my head. remembering what they lost.and it makes me feel bad for myself. i can't believe i'm being sad when so many people have it worse. i want to become something great. but can't seem to do that because i can't even get good grades.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>idk if anyone cares. i guess i just want to share SOMETHING., better then nothing. at least i can try and help<br/>ill try an update everyday, mostly likely will have a song attached as well, usually classical<br/>if you want to talk feel free to talk to me on discord. ill try my best to help<br/>ils#4760<br/>thank you for reading :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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